Thursday, August 18, 2011

Anxiety Attack

Mood: nervous

Around thursday night last week I got my first anxiety attack . Everything that happened to me, was going on so fast that I was scared. I've been having anxiety all of my life but I never really knew what the word anxiety meant or what its symptoms are. I don't know why but one day I decided to look it up and I realized that I've always had it but I just didn't know what it was and why i was feeing this way.

When I had the attack it was because I found out that someone who is close to me lied to me again. This person has being lying to me for a while now. It is always so disappointing when I find out and it's always been lies after lies. Whenever I would think that everything is fine now and it is all calm, I would find out about a past lie. It really hurts every time I find out . And every lie I find out about, I can never let go of it. I would always hold on to it and whenever I am laying in bed at night or when I am upset, these lies would arise and I would think about them and get angry. I would get angry for not addressing them over time and at the person who lied to me. Till this day I still could not understand why they would lie to me. It is almost impossible to not have a wall and trust them. I feel like every time a lie appears a layer of my wall builds. I hate it when people tell you that they love you and that you mean everything to them, but they would do things that they know would hurt you [whether is it intentionally or unintentionally] they do it anyways. How can someone say they love you and care about you when they would do these things and know of the consequences? I think it just means that they true don't care at all and that their own happiness and satisfaction is of the only importance.

Anyhow , back to the actual attack. Usually when I get anxiety they last for a while. They would bother me but never anything that would actually physically hurt me. I would get chest pains occasionally , but most of the time I would feel a lot of pressure on my chest and it would also be slightly hard for me to breathe. Sometime times, i would get headaches and have a very hard time concentrating on homework or what not.

This time getting the anxiety attack is about 100 times worst compared to my normal anxiety. I felt like i was suffocating [like a drowning feeling just before you are no longer able to hold your breathe]. My body was just shaking uncontrollably, I could not even stand up or do anything. I tried to take a lot of deep breathes to calm myself down. I was literally gasping for air. I had this horrible headache and a lot of pain and pressure on my chest. I felt sick and it was all happening so quickly at once. It took me about a half an hour to an hour to keep myself under control.

Has this ever happened to anyone before? and what can you do about it, to make it better?

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