12/24/09
Dear everyone who reads this,
I don't understand the concept of over expectations for beauty gurus or PEOPLE over all to be NICE 24/7. I mean over all WE are humans!
So why do people have this notion that it is terrifying if you are not nice all of the time?
First of all, I am a real person of flesh and blood.
And guess what? I HAVE FEELINGS
I am not a doll that stays Miss Shine all of the time. I'm sure there are people who try to put up that kind of persona but trust me it is not me and it has never been. I am pretty start forward and I put things how they are.
I am not going to sugar coat things!
I think it's strange how people who leave rude comments and EXPECT me to give a sweet and nice reply. Well, guess what?
If you are gonna punch someone in the face they are NOT going to congratulate you. Go get a reality check!
Something I had to get off my chest before the new year =)
xoxo hanhie
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Something I recieved
12/2/09
By Eric Baker
I cant help it you're too beautiful. When i look in your eyes it fulfills this empty void in my soul which has been longing to be filled. your radiance consumes my body making me want to be a better person, i find acceptance and hope in your unconditional loving presence and it sends shivers of ecstasy down my spine,throbbing electric shocks of bliss vibrates around me giving me everything unattainable i so helplessly desire. It leaves me gasping for breath as i am finally aware of how undescribable you are and how many intense feeling rush to my mind when i think of you. It leaves my eyes wet from joyful tears and yet i find myself hiding under blankets like a scared child who's heart is pulsating from the fear of your disappointment of who i am. but i would wait an eternity to feel your warm touch. A feeling that gives me uncontrollable sensations through this clouded haze in my heart that only u can clear...
By Eric Baker
I cant help it you're too beautiful. When i look in your eyes it fulfills this empty void in my soul which has been longing to be filled. your radiance consumes my body making me want to be a better person, i find acceptance and hope in your unconditional loving presence and it sends shivers of ecstasy down my spine,throbbing electric shocks of bliss vibrates around me giving me everything unattainable i so helplessly desire. It leaves me gasping for breath as i am finally aware of how undescribable you are and how many intense feeling rush to my mind when i think of you. It leaves my eyes wet from joyful tears and yet i find myself hiding under blankets like a scared child who's heart is pulsating from the fear of your disappointment of who i am. but i would wait an eternity to feel your warm touch. A feeling that gives me uncontrollable sensations through this clouded haze in my heart that only u can clear...
Love text
12/1/09
By Eric
I've been watching you from a distance,
stunned by your radiant beauty
leaving me frozen in eternal time.
Unable to speak up and say how I feel.
....This is the best thing I've heard today.
xo
By Eric
I've been watching you from a distance,
stunned by your radiant beauty
leaving me frozen in eternal time.
Unable to speak up and say how I feel.
....This is the best thing I've heard today.
xo
Thoughts in the pooper
11/28/09
Right now I'm sitting in the pooper and feel like writing something. I always like to do something like read a newspaper, ads, a book etc. while in the pooper. Honestyl it's no surprise, we all poop, so why be ashamed of it ! Anyhow, update...Lately I've been feeling alot better ! I know.. I know, it's no fun to read about good news lol (thats why news broadcasts and newspaper articles always talk about tragic morbid things). Anyways , I'm starting to ramble like always lol. I haven't found a new psychologist yet, I guess I'm putting it off since I have this fear of rejection (when I was little I would be scared to ask the teacher, if I can go to the bathroom because of this fear and I would hold it until I would have to go BADLY) and it felt like the previous school psychologist rejected me in some way or form. I will bring myself in finding a new psychologist after schools over, which will be in two weeks.
Video ideas...So I thought it would be nice if I did a more chill video...eating competition! With me VS kristy(9years old)...jeremy(8 years old)...or johnny (14 years old) You guys can VOTE with a comment who you want to compete against me. This is what we will be eating:
I will be sad that my lollipops will be gone but that's ok, I can always buy new ones.
hahah I come up with the weirdest ideas in the pooper. It is like my idea hub.
So this thanksgiving I cooked thanksgiving dinner at my house! I went over my bf's to eat and then back to my house. It sucks when you cook though, because after all of the cooking you don't even have an appetite. I somewhat over cooked also,the left overs have been meals everyday since thanksgiving lol.
I am getting too hyper..5hr energy the usual lol.
Peace and love
xo Hanhie
Research Research
11/24/09
Exciting news!
I decided that I needed more experience, in order to know what I wanted to be and do with my future. I've had thoughts of getting into the field of biology but I still haven't yet discovered what that exactly is.
I found a Avian Ecologist who I will be assisting next semester and interning for in the summer. I feel so ecstatic.
I sent over ten emails to different biologists, whose research I am interested in ( mostly anything with evolution or ecology). It was so nerve wrecking, and in return I received about 2 emails . (a 3rd one today lol )
I took a chance meet up with the professor and first time's a charm. I think that the day when I went for somewhat of an interview, I was sweating balls. We talked for two hours ( time passed by quickly, I didn't even realize that) . He told me about his research, which is researching the impact of the rail way to birds in the location. He wasn't going to be doing this till the breeding season, later in the semester. So during the winter, I will be continuing a previous experiment.
It is the impact of seasonality and location on nest survival and predation. Long story short I feel like saying YEAH! haha
I feel like my luck is changing and everything is getting better.
I'm going to watch boot legged New moon now and see what the rave is all about. Curiosity kills the cat =P
xo Hanh
Exciting news!
I decided that I needed more experience, in order to know what I wanted to be and do with my future. I've had thoughts of getting into the field of biology but I still haven't yet discovered what that exactly is.
I found a Avian Ecologist who I will be assisting next semester and interning for in the summer. I feel so ecstatic.
I sent over ten emails to different biologists, whose research I am interested in ( mostly anything with evolution or ecology). It was so nerve wrecking, and in return I received about 2 emails . (a 3rd one today lol )
I took a chance meet up with the professor and first time's a charm. I think that the day when I went for somewhat of an interview, I was sweating balls. We talked for two hours ( time passed by quickly, I didn't even realize that) . He told me about his research, which is researching the impact of the rail way to birds in the location. He wasn't going to be doing this till the breeding season, later in the semester. So during the winter, I will be continuing a previous experiment.
It is the impact of seasonality and location on nest survival and predation. Long story short I feel like saying YEAH! haha
I feel like my luck is changing and everything is getting better.
I'm going to watch boot legged New moon now and see what the rave is all about. Curiosity kills the cat =P
xo Hanh
In my head
11/8/09
Sometimes I wished that I could have a different life. Right now I feel like everything is out of control. I feel like I am driving a car blind folded and I am spinning out of control. I hate this wall that I have built up with the rest of society. I am always anxious, I can't trust people easily, I have problems opening up to anyone, I am frighten of being the center of attention or put on the spot. I feel like I have lost myself or maybe it is because I have never even found myself to begin with. I am in the state of confusion about everything that is happening to me.
I started to go to a school psychologist about a week ago on monday( I think it's a good first step) . I am not sure if it is helpful. The thing I do know, it is scary. Scary to trust someone who is a stranger, to keep your secrets - secrets. Things that you are the most ashamed of about yourself, you have to tell this stranger hoping that you can be saved, you can be hope and that they will not judge you. The hardest part for me, is that I have to say it all out loud. I think that it is the hardest part because 1. someone is actually listening (and jotting these notes down on their notepad, god knows what they are saying ) 2. you are saying things out loud and hence making them true, real and touchable.
I am also currently looking for a lab to work (it's not actual work, but it is more so of a course that you need a professor's note of approval). I have probably wrote over 10 emails, to professors who are conducting labs, that I am interested in but have only received one reply (from a professor who is not currently researching but will accept independent research proposals, in which he will supervise in). Hopefully I will receive more replies before the spring semester.
I feel drained. I feel hopeless. I feel helpless. I am manic.
Right now I am actually taking a short break to write this, since I have to read two chapters of organic chemistry and study for the quiz, catch up on my cell biology and read articles for my bibliography project.
I feel like I have lost my sense of direction. I think I need to buy a compass.
XO hanh
PS I am seeing the psychologist at 9am tomorrow and I am scared >_<
Sometimes I wished that I could have a different life. Right now I feel like everything is out of control. I feel like I am driving a car blind folded and I am spinning out of control. I hate this wall that I have built up with the rest of society. I am always anxious, I can't trust people easily, I have problems opening up to anyone, I am frighten of being the center of attention or put on the spot. I feel like I have lost myself or maybe it is because I have never even found myself to begin with. I am in the state of confusion about everything that is happening to me.
I started to go to a school psychologist about a week ago on monday( I think it's a good first step) . I am not sure if it is helpful. The thing I do know, it is scary. Scary to trust someone who is a stranger, to keep your secrets - secrets. Things that you are the most ashamed of about yourself, you have to tell this stranger hoping that you can be saved, you can be hope and that they will not judge you. The hardest part for me, is that I have to say it all out loud. I think that it is the hardest part because 1. someone is actually listening (and jotting these notes down on their notepad, god knows what they are saying ) 2. you are saying things out loud and hence making them true, real and touchable.
I am also currently looking for a lab to work (it's not actual work, but it is more so of a course that you need a professor's note of approval). I have probably wrote over 10 emails, to professors who are conducting labs, that I am interested in but have only received one reply (from a professor who is not currently researching but will accept independent research proposals, in which he will supervise in). Hopefully I will receive more replies before the spring semester.
I feel drained. I feel hopeless. I feel helpless. I am manic.
Right now I am actually taking a short break to write this, since I have to read two chapters of organic chemistry and study for the quiz, catch up on my cell biology and read articles for my bibliography project.
I feel like I have lost my sense of direction. I think I need to buy a compass.
XO hanh
PS I am seeing the psychologist at 9am tomorrow and I am scared >_<
The boiling of a frog
Date:11/1/09
If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will of course frantically try to clamber out. But if you place it gently in a pot of tepid water and turn the heat on low, it will float there quite placidly. As the water gradually heats up, the frog will sink into a tranquil stupor, exactly like one of us in a hot bath, and before long, with a smile on its face, it will unresistingly allow itself to be boiled to death.
—Version of the story from Daniel Quinn's The Story of B
If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will of course frantically try to clamber out. But if you place it gently in a pot of tepid water and turn the heat on low, it will float there quite placidly. As the water gradually heats up, the frog will sink into a tranquil stupor, exactly like one of us in a hot bath, and before long, with a smile on its face, it will unresistingly allow itself to be boiled to death.
—Version of the story from Daniel Quinn's The Story of B
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