imhanhie

Melt Downs & Thinking positive

2011-10-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
Today I had a strange day and it is only 12:29 pm. I woke up from a bunch of nightmares as usual. Lately I have been having these moments of "frustration" where my day would go horrible and I would try extremely hard to think positive; however, when something tiny goes wrong, I would mentally collapse. It's happened about 3 times already in the pass two weeks or so. I feel like these situations keep repeating themselves and when I started having nightmares about them last night, I started to get even more worried.

To make the situation worst, since I have an allergy test on friday morning, five days before that I can't take any antihistamines aka allergy medicine. Everyday after stopping my allergy medicine, I have been a mess and getting worst. This morning I could not stop sneezing and my nose was a drippy mess. I also ran out of my allergy eye drops, so I was literally scratching my eyes out.

I decided to go to Dominick's and when I was ten feet away from my car I realized that I didn't have my car keys...which were kind of attached to my house keys...

I quickly walked back to my apartment, and I decided to get back in through a window. Probably one of the most embarrassing things in my life, since I could potentially look like I am robbing my own apartment. The thing is my boyfriend locked my windows...so I started to panic as I am trying to open all of the windows. I went to the back and called my boyfriend, panicking, and asking him if he had locked all of the windows. Thankfully, my bedroom windows were not locked so I was able to get in. And hopefully one of my neighbors who are there with their kid didn't think that I was a robber...actually I think I looked more like a nerd with my glasses on...=)

I think if I was not able to get into apartment, I would have possibly had a break down, since the weather is shit and I was stranded in it.

Afterward, I went to Dominick's. I slowly convinced my self that things will be okay and that my day will change if I thought positive...so I did.

And GUESS WHAT?! Things did look brighter. The Starbucks in Dominick's gave out free hazelnut frappacino samples...I was waiting in line for checkout and this guy came up to me and said he was opening a new check out aisle, so I didn't even have to wait!

I just have to have hope...that everything will be okay & if I think happy thoughts, I WILL be happy.

Simple as that...weird right?

XO

MOM

2011-09-14T01:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while, so I decided to post something short. I am too exhausted to write right now, since it is 3 am in the morning. I am about to sleep, just thought I'd show you guys a recent picture of my mom and I at chinatown this weekend. That's it. Short and simple. Thought you guys would like to see something on the personal side. Goodnight!

XO

What do you think? Is there a resemblance?

Here's two other pictures:

My little sister, Kristy and I

My boyfriend, Eric and I

Feeling Odd Lately...

2011-08-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

Dear anyone who's reading this,

So I kind of forgot about these little entries that I have been writing, but I am back to writing again and hopefully it will help me get things off my chest. I have ALOT of catching up to do, with moving and living on my own and all but I think I will save that for a separate entry.

Anyhow, here it goes. After getting back from traveling I have been feeling really out of it. I kind of don't know why. Towards the end of summer school I was really stressed out due to finals and cramming to study. During that period I really had no time to think of anything other than school. Toward the end when things were finally starting to slow down, I felt really depress at times, just out of the blue. I guess it could be due to stressing out about what to do after I graduate, financial situations, and etc. But to me a lot of these feelings are just for no reason at all. During my travels, I really got to just relax and not think about anything stressful and it felt fucken amazing to just have no care in the world. I was even kind of surprise at myself that I was able to just relax since I stress 90% of the time.

Now I am back to reality... I got back from vacation two weeks a go and I started school last monday. I have been feeling really manic. My mood changes constantly through out the day. I feel like I have been angry at the people around me for stupid reasons or just no reason at all. Sometimes I feel like I even makeup thinks to get angry or frustrated about. Half of the time I am feeling extremely depress, for just no real reason. A kind of a depress just because feeling. I guess a lot of the time it would start out with me being alone in my apartment and feeling extremely irritated with everything and everyone. Also a lot of the time my feelings of depression would be coupled with anxiety. My anxiety is pretty explainable though since I am constantly worrying about every aspect of my life but the depression I really can't make any sense of since I really don't have any thing to be extremely depressed about. That feeling is just there...I feel it and that's about it. I am no sure if there are subconscious issues that I am no aware of and if there were how would I ever discover them?

Lately I have also been extremely self conscious of my body image...I guess I have always been that way but lately it just feels like it had worsen. I think these insecurities do affect my mood to a certain level.

Also after being in Cassadaga, FL I have being having a lot of vivid nightmares. I usually get nightmares but they haven't been this visual or scary for a while now. I wonder if these nightmares are linked to my emotional state and if I were to decipher them, I would find out why I am depressed most of the time.

Yes, yes I know. When I say I'm back to writing these entries ...they are going to be super depressing. I guess most of the time when I feel like putting my thoughts into words are because I am not happy and doing so really helps me cope with things.

One more thing. I've said it many times but the feeling never goes away. I hate this town and all of the people in it. I kind of just want to move away to a different state but am afraid to make the leap. Let's face it, I am an extremely safe person...I am not a risk taker and I hate changes. If I were to move away from a state that I have lived for the past twenty or so years of my life it will be a HUGE leap for me to handle.

Never the less little baby steps at a time I guess. I think this entry is a nice little step. Anyway till next time.

XO

New Baby--What should I name him?

2011-08-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

4/10/11
As you may or may not know I have a baby named Holden Caulfield. Holden is currently 11 months old. He is a brown & white striped tabby. I love Holden very much and I thought that he would be nice if he had a friend. Holden is very playful and sometimes I feel like I don't play with him enough. I also LOVE animals, I just can't get enough of them =] so it was so tempting to get another baby! (By the way my apartment doesn't allow dogs, that is why i don't have one. Otherwise I would love to get a doggy too! )

Anyhow as you can guess from the title "New Baby", that I am getting a new kitten baby! Today was the first time that I met him! He is only 4 weeks old! He is a Maine Coon kitten. This baby kitten came from liter of three, he has a gray sister and a orange brother.

Here is my first time holding the kitten! He is so tiny and cute.

Babies will be babies, he got sleepy after he played for a little bit!

He just full on got knocked out in an INSTANT!

I don't have him yet. =( He is too young to be separated from his mommy. He is currently being liter trained and he is still breast fed. I will be able to get him in 4 weeks! This is kinda coincidental because by the end of this month on April 30th is my 23 birthday! He is like a birthday gift from me to myself ! =] I am so excited! I can't wait! Hope you guys enjoyed my little post, I haven't written in a very long time! Till next time..

xo

Here are more pictures!

Does Light Skinned really equal = Beautiful????

2011-08-18T18:37:00.000-07:00

1 2
2/8/11

Dear People,
I haven't blogged my thoughts for a while and the other day I stubbled upon an old blog and it made me realize how beneficial this "blogging" stuff is for me ....so here it goes

Right now I am watching the movie Greta (the one with the Lizzie Mcguire girl aka Hilary Duff ). In the movie she likes this black guy and it leads me to wondering ........
Why are the main characters always "light skinned" ??? --even if they were black, they are light skinned....

I don't like that, I don't want to be those people who pick at everything but this just bothers me ---you would think nowadays people would know better...growing up my family always made fun of me because I was naturally tan and not pretty and "light skinned" ...it's pretty fucked up

SO... what do you think?? Is it true? Not true?

----BY THE WAY which picture do you think looks better? haha

XO

Why Hate?

2011-08-18T18:33:00.000-07:00

3/5/10

So I just finished watching American History X. It made me realize that, dwelling on hatred will do no good. It will not change your life in a good way. I have always felt that I am surrounded by negativity and hate, hence I myself dwell on it. Never did I see that I have a choice. I have a choice to see the good in things. I have a choice to make the decisions I make. Everything in my life, all of the good and bad are a result of my actions in some sort of way.

Blaming others for this negativity and hatred in my life is nothing but a scape goat. By me blaming them it will not bring me any good but instead draw more negativity in to my life. So my first step was to delete an older blog post that I wrote about hate. (listing what I hated)

So after crying my eyes out watching this movie, I have come to this realization...why hate?

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.-Abraham Lincoln

Merry Christmas Eve Everyone

2011-08-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

12/24/09

Dear anyone who reads this,
After my 4am ranting blog >_< , I decided to make a cheerier blog!

I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas Eve! I hope you all enjoy time with your loved ones, whether it is your family/friends or that special someone =) .

It is great to give during the holidays but just remember... at the end of the day it is important to learn to love yourself <3>

Remember that you are beautiful as long as you believe you are! Stay STRONG!

Cheers!
xoxo Hanhie

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

And to ALL a good night!

Can I be your present ? =P

I AM A NORMAL PERSON! NOT A ROBOT

2011-08-18T18:30:00.000-07:00

12/24/09

Dear everyone who reads this,
I don't understand the concept of over expectations for beauty gurus or PEOPLE over all to be NICE 24/7. I mean over all WE are humans!

So why do people have this notion that it is terrifying if you are not nice all of the time?

First of all, I am a real person of flesh and blood.

And guess what? I HAVE FEELINGS

I am not a doll that stays Miss Shine all of the time. I'm sure there are people who try to put up that kind of persona but trust me it is not me and it has never been. I am pretty start forward and I put things how they are.

I am not going to sugar coat things!

I think it's strange how people who leave rude comments and EXPECT me to give a sweet and nice reply. Well, guess what?

If you are gonna punch someone in the face they are NOT going to congratulate you. Go get a reality check!

Something I had to get off my chest before the new year =)

xoxo hanhie

Something I recieved

2011-08-18T18:29:00.001-07:00

12/2/09

By Eric Baker

I cant help it you're too beautiful. When i look in your eyes it fulfills this empty void in my soul which has been longing to be filled. your radiance consumes my body making me want to be a better person, i find acceptance and hope in your unconditional loving presence and it sends shivers of ecstasy down my spine,throbbing electric shocks of bliss vibrates around me giving me everything unattainable i so helplessly desire. It leaves me gasping for breath as i am finally aware of how undescribable you are and how many intense feeling rush to my mind when i think of you. It leaves my eyes wet from joyful tears and yet i find myself hiding under blankets like a scared child who's heart is pulsating from the fear of your disappointment of who i am. but i would wait an eternity to feel your warm touch. A feeling that gives me uncontrollable sensations through this clouded haze in my heart that only u can clear...

Love text

2011-08-18T18:28:00.000-07:00

12/1/09

By Eric

I've been watching you from a distance,
stunned by your radiant beauty
leaving me frozen in eternal time.
Unable to speak up and say how I feel.

....This is the best thing I've heard today.

xo

Thoughts in the pooper

2011-08-18T18:26:00.002-07:00

11/28/09

Right now I'm sitting in the pooper and feel like writing something. I always like to do something like read a newspaper, ads, a book etc. while in the pooper. Honestyl it's no surprise, we all poop, so why be ashamed of it ! Anyhow, update...Lately I've been feeling alot better ! I know.. I know, it's no fun to read about good news lol (thats why news broadcasts and newspaper articles always talk about tragic morbid things). Anyways , I'm starting to ramble like always lol. I haven't found a new psychologist yet, I guess I'm putting it off since I have this fear of rejection (when I was little I would be scared to ask the teacher, if I can go to the bathroom because of this fear and I would hold it until I would have to go BADLY) and it felt like the previous school psychologist rejected me in some way or form. I will bring myself in finding a new psychologist after schools over, which will be in two weeks.

Video ideas...So I thought it would be nice if I did a more chill video...eating competition! With me VS kristy(9years old)...jeremy(8 years old)...or johnny (14 years old) You guys can VOTE with a comment who you want to compete against me. This is what we will be eating:

I will be sad that my lollipops will be gone but that's ok, I can always buy new ones.

hahah I come up with the weirdest ideas in the pooper. It is like my idea hub.

So this thanksgiving I cooked thanksgiving dinner at my house! I went over my bf's to eat and then back to my house. It sucks when you cook though, because after all of the cooking you don't even have an appetite. I somewhat over cooked also,the left overs have been meals everyday since thanksgiving lol.

I am getting too hyper..5hr energy the usual lol.
Peace and love

xo Hanhie

Research Research

2011-08-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

11/24/09

Exciting news!

I decided that I needed more experience, in order to know what I wanted to be and do with my future. I've had thoughts of getting into the field of biology but I still haven't yet discovered what that exactly is.

I found a Avian Ecologist who I will be assisting next semester and interning for in the summer. I feel so ecstatic.

I sent over ten emails to different biologists, whose research I am interested in ( mostly anything with evolution or ecology). It was so nerve wrecking, and in return I received about 2 emails . (a 3rd one today lol )

I took a chance meet up with the professor and first time's a charm. I think that the day when I went for somewhat of an interview, I was sweating balls. We talked for two hours ( time passed by quickly, I didn't even realize that) . He told me about his research, which is researching the impact of the rail way to birds in the location. He wasn't going to be doing this till the breeding season, later in the semester. So during the winter, I will be continuing a previous experiment.
It is the impact of seasonality and location on nest survival and predation. Long story short I feel like saying YEAH! haha

I feel like my luck is changing and everything is getting better.

I'm going to watch boot legged New moon now and see what the rave is all about. Curiosity kills the cat =P

xo Hanh

In my head

2011-08-18T18:25:00.001-07:00

11/8/09

Sometimes I wished that I could have a different life. Right now I feel like everything is out of control. I feel like I am driving a car blind folded and I am spinning out of control. I hate this wall that I have built up with the rest of society. I am always anxious, I can't trust people easily, I have problems opening up to anyone, I am frighten of being the center of attention or put on the spot. I feel like I have lost myself or maybe it is because I have never even found myself to begin with. I am in the state of confusion about everything that is happening to me.

I started to go to a school psychologist about a week ago on monday( I think it's a good first step) . I am not sure if it is helpful. The thing I do know, it is scary. Scary to trust someone who is a stranger, to keep your secrets - secrets. Things that you are the most ashamed of about yourself, you have to tell this stranger hoping that you can be saved, you can be hope and that they will not judge you. The hardest part for me, is that I have to say it all out loud. I think that it is the hardest part because 1. someone is actually listening (and jotting these notes down on their notepad, god knows what they are saying ) 2. you are saying things out loud and hence making them true, real and touchable.

I am also currently looking for a lab to work (it's not actual work, but it is more so of a course that you need a professor's note of approval). I have probably wrote over 10 emails, to professors who are conducting labs, that I am interested in but have only received one reply (from a professor who is not currently researching but will accept independent research proposals, in which he will supervise in). Hopefully I will receive more replies before the spring semester.

I feel drained. I feel hopeless. I feel helpless. I am manic.

Right now I am actually taking a short break to write this, since I have to read two chapters of organic chemistry and study for the quiz, catch up on my cell biology and read articles for my bibliography project.

I feel like I have lost my sense of direction. I think I need to buy a compass.

XO hanh

PS I am seeing the psychologist at 9am tomorrow and I am scared >_<

The boiling of a frog

2011-08-18T18:24:00.001-07:00

Date:11/1/09

If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will of course frantically try to clamber out. But if you place it gently in a pot of tepid water and turn the heat on low, it will float there quite placidly. As the water gradually heats up, the frog will sink into a tranquil stupor, exactly like one of us in a hot bath, and before long, with a smile on its face, it will unresistingly allow itself to be boiled to death.

—Version of the story from Daniel Quinn's The Story of B

Anxiety Attack

2011-08-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

Date:10/25/09
Mood: nervous

Around thursday night last week I got my first anxiety attack . Everything that happened to me, was going on so fast that I was scared. I've been having anxiety all of my life but I never really knew what the word anxiety meant or what its symptoms are. I don't know why but one day I decided to look it up and I realized that I've always had it but I just didn't know what it was and why i was feeing this way.

When I had the attack it was because I found out that someone who is close to me lied to me again. This person has being lying to me for a while now. It is always so disappointing when I find out and it's always been lies after lies. Whenever I would think that everything is fine now and it is all calm, I would find out about a past lie. It really hurts every time I find out . And every lie I find out about, I can never let go of it. I would always hold on to it and whenever I am laying in bed at night or when I am upset, these lies would arise and I would think about them and get angry. I would get angry for not addressing them over time and at the person who lied to me. Till this day I still could not understand why they would lie to me. It is almost impossible to not have a wall and trust them. I feel like every time a lie appears a layer of my wall builds. I hate it when people tell you that they love you and that you mean everything to them, but they would do things that they know would hurt you [whether is it intentionally or unintentionally] they do it anyways. How can someone say they love you and care about you when they would do these things and know of the consequences? I think it just means that they true don't care at all and that their own happiness and satisfaction is of the only importance.

Anyhow , back to the actual attack. Usually when I get anxiety they last for a while. They would bother me but never anything that would actually physically hurt me. I would get chest pains occasionally , but most of the time I would feel a lot of pressure on my chest and it would also be slightly hard for me to breathe. Sometime times, i would get headaches and have a very hard time concentrating on homework or what not.

This time getting the anxiety attack is about 100 times worst compared to my normal anxiety. I felt like i was suffocating [like a drowning feeling just before you are no longer able to hold your breathe]. My body was just shaking uncontrollably, I could not even stand up or do anything. I tried to take a lot of deep breathes to calm myself down. I was literally gasping for air. I had this horrible headache and a lot of pain and pressure on my chest. I felt sick and it was all happening so quickly at once. It took me about a half an hour to an hour to keep myself under control.

Has this ever happened to anyone before? and what can you do about it, to make it better?

Hello

2011-08-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

Date:10/5/09

Yes Yes I know my blogging is always depressing lol. Anyhow there's more where that came from LOL. I am sick! =( Both my Bf and sister are sick, they double teamed it on me so now I'm sick. I am extra crabby and get agitated easily =(. I have a sore throat and the worst time is at night or when I first wake up. It is very painful but luckly I have my spiffy Halls strawberry cough drops with me . I have a whole bag for my backpack since tomorrow is the first full day of school where I will be sick. I don't want to be crabbier than I already am . Hopefully I will get over this soon. I heard somewhere that there's an estimation that a HUGE number of people will get swine flu this up coming flu season! SO GET YOUR SHOTS! lol . Don't say I didn't warn you. Anyhow back to the studies .

xo

Romantic Comedies

2011-08-18T18:20:00.002-07:00

You know what I hate? Romantic comedies. I hate watching movies with other people and their relationships because it is so unrealistic. They always end up happily ever after, and we all know that in real life that is never the case.

I guess it's more like being envious than hating. I'm jealous that they get their happily ever after. Watching these movies make me miss all of the good memories that I have had. It sucks to see all of these happy couples when you can't be one of them.

xo

Wonderland.

2011-08-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

Date:9/21/09

Sometimes, I wish I can just run away from the pressures of life and go down my own rabbit hole. But I'm sure life can never be that easy or convenient.

So for now I can just dream ...

xo

Past. Present. Relationships

2011-08-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

Date:9/20/09

My boyfriend and I met when we were in high school. He was a junior and I was a sophomore . Now, I'm not claiming that our relationship was perfect because it wasn't but high school never influenced our relationship in a negative way. Now that it is my last year of college and he is going back to college, college seems to have this negative impact on our relationship. I'm not sure why it does but it is really upsetting me. What is the difference between high school and college? They are both schools right? So why would college cause so much harm in our relationship?

And could it really be this or is it just the fact that people change? Do you ever feel like when you look at someone you are in love with and sometimes wonder ..who are you? Even though you've been with them for so long you feel like you barely even know them at all? You don't know what they are thinking, what they will do or will not do?

It's like the trust and foundation in your relationship has totally vanished ... and there is just nothing holding you up at all.

xo

9/14/09

2011-08-18T18:15:00.001-07:00

Date:9/14/09

Writing these blogs remind me of Sex and the City's Kerry Bradshaw. Hahahha Watching that show actually made me realize a lot about relationships and life. It's strange how Kerry set out her journey looking for love but in the end she is always short of commitment .

We do a lot of things that are the exact opposite of what we set out to do. Like say, taking it extra hard on the ones you love or your significant other. I have came to self realization that sometimes I take it extra hard on my BF. A reason I think that maybe is because he is so important to me and he has such a strong grasp of my heart that I have to put up this extra wall, insulation, and protection as a defense mechanism. I care for him so much and am extremely over protective that any small thing can set me to the offense. How can I change this? What would you do?

You hurt the ones you love

This saying has been going on for generations and generations. But why have we not learn yet to change history and not keep making the same mistakes?

I want to cherish the ones I love. I want them to feel and know how much they mean to me and how much I love them. But sometimes it is hard to express this. It seems like you take it hardest on the ones you love. But why can't we just learn to love each other and get along.

I wish life was just as easy as that.

My shopping addiction ("First Diary Entry")

2011-08-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

Date:9/13/09

My first diary entry...my mission is to help myself by putting my thoughts on to words, maybe i could come to self realization.
Thank you to smartiesfreak in suggesting me to write on my blog more =)

So you may think when you see people who seem to have everything they want or everything you can dream of having, to having a perfect life. But let me assure you that the grass is never greener on the other side. No one is ever perfect or always happy. That is the trick with life, there are always ups and downs. You get hurt, you fall, but in the end you have to learn how to pick your self up and assure yourself that everything is alright. My life is never perfect, i always have pressure,worries,problems,and stress that i have to deal with. Sometimes the methods that i try to deal with these things with are not the best.

Everyone has their own way in coping with their problems and the negativity in their lives. And with me it is shopping. For me retail therapy is my obsession, to make myself feel better. I know this is not something to brag about because I am ashamed of it. I am ashamed of myself for taking the short cut out. Because I know that it is not a true resolution. It is a short term problem solver that i will have to do again and again. By the end of the day i still feel as empty as i've always had.

My boyfriend tries to help me stop this addiction. When I am with him he would try to keep me from buying things. On my good days I am perfectly capable of controlling myself and keeping myself from buying anything. The bad days are the ones that i fear. I have access to my computer and my credit card is in reach. Shopping online just takes a click of a button and after the rush of clicking one button you would want to click more and more. Until the next day, do you realize what you have done. And still in the end, you have learned nothing from this mistake because the next time that you have this horrible feeling, you would do the same thing for that wonderful temporary relief.

What do you do? To cope with your problems? What should I do to solve this addiction?

xo

Im starting to learn to love myself

2011-08-18T18:11:00.000-07:00

Date:9/5/09

RIDIC MAIL!!!!

2011-08-18T18:09:00.001-07:00

Date: 8/18/09
From: This sender is DomainKeys verified"YouTube Subscribers" Add sender to Contacts
To: hanhie34@yahoo.com
Dear Hanh Bui,

I represent a great portion of your subscribers or should I say, one of the masses of people that have unsubscribed to you. Many of us agreed to write a letter to Elle and this is what resulted of it. This is the body of the e-mail to Elle's editors. We're letting you know this because we feel that your videos have taken a drastic spin into what we feel is depriving from the audience and using us to gain notorious votes as well as swindle prizes from very deserving people who don't even have a shot against you because you're using US, the public, the viewers. Read the comments on your Elle prize package video. Look at where all the thumbs up belong to, count them up and imagine how many people feel the way we feel about you. You really should learn how to appreciate people more and you are completely stuck up, self absorbed, if you don't being corrected - then you can only be perfect right? But you're not. So it's not good to call certain people bitches because they threw in their opinions and corrections. Your job is to sit there, let it go, and learn from what they say. It's poor moral behavior, the choices you made and I thought I'd personally reach to you and say that you also reach a young audience. Stop cussing so much, pull up your shirt, and be a better example. If you're teaching the younger generation that it is perfectly fine to call people "bitches" then there's obviously something wrong with you.

Elle only publishes the fine goods in my opinion. However, lately Elle has surpassed a very important matter that should be address or be brought attention to. The contest of Elle's Video Star is biased. How? Because Hanh Bui had won the contest previously but it was by getting her YouTube viewers to click on the link. This is unfair to the contest because it is using her popularity on YouTube to cast these votes. Many are outraged by the unjust results. If you actually locate her on YouTube, it shows her being unappreciative for the prizes that she won. And looking at the votes also on the actual Elle website, she's winning by far because of her subscribers. Many people posted up videos putting in their better efforts and she had won because she taught people how to pull her bangs back? Let's be real here. Elle is going to have some negative attention by allowing this to happen. Also, this person, Hanh Bui, are calling people "bitches" that don't conform to her liking and it's not fair that people like us did vote for her and we end up feeling deprived of what was right. I'm including a link to all her video comments regarding the Elle contest and it can clearly be seen that hundreds or perhaps even thousands of viewers were appalled by the outcome. Now she's entered another contest, do you think it's fair to be giving this individual prizes that she didn't seem all that grateful for? The link is posted below. This is stirring up a lot of controversy on the internet.

The link: http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments&v=lliZWLW6-o8&fromurl=/watch%3Fv%3DlliZWLW6-o8%26feature%3Dchannel

Her YouTube ID: Ahanhbarbie34

My youtube account was hacked!!

2011-08-18T18:06:00.001-07:00

Date:5/17/09

ok so if you send an email to abuse@hotmail.com to complain the hacker is NICKISBALLING@HOTMAIL.COM

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I dont know how to use this BLOG!!!

2011-08-18T18:05:00.001-07:00

Date:5/7/09
man you guys i am soooooooooooo not used to this blog thing! It sucks i can only post stuff im getting the hang of posting pictures. but how do you post COMMENTS like reply to the comments i get??!!

xoxo hanhie

insomnia

2011-08-18T18:04:00.002-07:00

Dear readers,
I am sitting here and I can't sleep. I've been updating everything to a white orchid spring theme to go with the way I feel and the season. I don't know why, call me crazy, but i am in to WHITE this year. It is so strange to me I had never ever thought in a million years that i would like white. I am obsessed!
Date:5/6/09
I'm actually not even suppose to sleep I am suppose to study for my orgo test on Friday blahhhhhhhhhh.

updates
I bought a bunch of NYX stuff and ELF stuff so I will probably doing a haul video. And I got some new bows and hello kitty clothing so I might include that also if I'm not lazy.

PS please join the contest ! there are only 30 video responds and 4 prizes you are more likely to win vs. commenting (1/1500 chance of winning).

xoxo h

i'll do it today

2011-08-18T18:04:00.000-07:00

Date:5/2/09
Whenever you plan to do something you dread to do, you always plan to do them eventually and soon. Like say today, I got off work and I "planned" to do my homework and study for my final exams which will be next week. When I got home I took a nap till 5pm then I basically did everything possible except for what I have planned out to do (washing my clothes/hair,eat, youtube,myspace,tv,etc). Why is it that we always get off tasks especially for those things that are extremely important and we need to do them asap? Today is gonna be a short and sweet post feel free to answer the question of the day =P!

PS I love chili lime lambada organic lollipop from www.yummyearth.com ! SO addicted it's sweet sour and spicy so gooooooooooooddd.

xoxo hanhie

the big 2 1 or just any other day

2011-08-18T18:00:00.001-07:00

Date:4/29/09

When you are younger, you make everything out to be so grand and exciting. But as you get older the excitement seems to have disappeared. I wonder if this is true for all or just for myself. Or maybe it is just the fact that I don't live the unhealthy life styles of people my age, so this day doesn't really seem to have any positive effects in my life, except for the part that I am aging and it's just another day closer to getting wrinkles and having everyone treat you like a child (I'm still treated like that ...so maybe it's a lifetime thing), and have nothing to do but be old and get bored.

I don't drink, I don't smoke (it's an 18 year old kinda thing I know), I don't gamble. So the twenty first notion has no affect on me what so every. In a way I am glad, they are just unhealthy habits/lifestyles that I don't need to part take in my life. No thanks to lungs, liver damage, and burning a hole in my pocket. I have plenty of bad habits and I don't need more.

I guess this is just another pointless pessimistic blog like every other...

xoxo hanhie

My Obsession of the day

2011-08-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

Date:4/27/09

So it is 11:03pm and I just got done eating a LARGE bowl of cornflakes ! It is so goooood! I like frosted flakes too but it's a little too sweet for my taste. It is so weird that when you grow up your tastes change the way you dress, the things you like, the people you talk to and etc. I would have never expected that my taste in food would also change! I used to hate relish, mustard, hot dogs, burgers,coleslaw, potato salad, and etc. But now I just CAN'T get enough! It's kinda of scary to realize how much I have changed and how old I am getting. Hopefully, this realization and change is for the best!

My addiction is GIVING...sounds crazy doesn't it? But knowing that someone else is happy because of me gives me the greatest sense of accomplishment ever!

xOXO hanhie

Family Birthday Dinner

2011-08-18T17:57:00.000-07:00

Date:4/26/09

So yesterday I had an early birthday dinner with my family. It was sweet of my mom to invite everyone and throw the whole thing.It was a small immediate family dinner and my bf also came along [he's def family]. I had work and when I got off I didn't feel well at all. I thought that the food would make me feel better but it didn't
=( . I just felt really sick the whole time. It was a wierd feeling, even though I had eaten I kind of felt empty since I was in so much pain. IDK it's hard to explain this feeling. Anyhow I was still a good time !

Maria Taylor interview video...my bf has been making it he'll be done soon and when he is, i'll post it on youtube. I was extremely nervous in it, I still can't watch it because I get the same feeling even by just watching it!

Chictopia...I also have a collab video with chictopia which will be done soon also!

xoxo Hanhie

here are some pictures !

Poem from Britney P.

2011-08-18T17:53:00.000-07:00

Date:4/21/09

Hanh is a girl who started making some videos on Youtube.
At least a hundred viewers saw her, and asked, "Who knew?" That
Not everyone who posts vids are pretty like Hanh
Haha, she is beautiful as a fawn.
Beautiful inside and out,
All her fans will never doubt. This
Really smart girl will grow up to be something big one day,
But for now, just subscribe and say,
I love you Hanh!
Everyone knows that she is as beautiful as a swan.
-Britney P.

She is too CUTE !! =P I heart you Brit <3

XO many hugs and kisses !!!

<3 hanhie

My horrible day!!!! (my contact broke in HALF)

2011-08-18T17:51:00.000-07:00

Date: 4/19/09

My contact broke in Organic Chemistry. It was a couple of days back but this is a crazy/gross story so I thought you might be interested! My contact len was irritating my eye so I kind of touched it, to try to adjust it and before I knew it something fell on the desk. It was half of the contact (the smaller half) and the other half was stuck in my eye ball. I couldn't see it in there because it was lodged in to the socket but I definately felt it. It took me an hour to get it out! The piece was huge, I got it out by yawning alot, so that my eyes would water and eventually slipped out.My eye was red because I kept sticking my finger into my eye! >_< My contacts are FRESH LOOK GRAY COLOR BLENDS by the way. I called Lenscrafter aka my eye place and they were the LEAST helpful. They thought that I was making the situation up (prank call) for one and said something like "well you don't want to take it out" when I told them that I cannot come there because I was at school. All they said was " you have to come here, so we can take it out" I hate those FUCKERS ..no thanks to them. I had to then sit in my last lecture for 1hr and 15 min then on the train for 30mins, by the time I drove home I felt extremely nauseous, dizzy and distoriented because I can see out of only ONE eye (my prescription is -4.0,-4.25 which is HORRIBLE). And it was very hard to drive with this also BLAH!

My Intro

2011-08-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

Date: 4/6/09

These pictures are a token of my appreciation for all of your support. Since this is a blog I wanted to share some important moments of my life with you guys!!! So you can see another side of me other than makeup and hair tutorials =P.

#1 If you don't know who she is ,well now you do. She's my favorite MUSICIAN of all TIME!!! check her out she is AMAZZZING!!!

#2 Bugs !!!

#3 A baby tiger ! It was so soft but STINKY!

#4 Something I wanted to do before I died was meet Conor Oberst!!! I <3 him

#5Since some viewers had pondered and asked what my boyfriend looked like I decided to show him to you guys...back off girls he's mine LOL =P I saved the BEST for last

I had heels on it made me so TALLLLL! (eric & I)

Hey Guys! Man, I just made this thing and I am still learning and getting used to it. I just uploaded a few pictures but later on I will add details about the videos (makeup/clothing/tips). I'm sorry there isn't much right now =( but I promise I will update it ASAP! Anyways thank you for all of your support. I am planning to do a 15,000 subscribers CONTEST soon =). So keep an EYE open for that ^_~ . I am uploading a Straight Voluminous tutorial right now but it has been processing for more than 2 HOURS! I don't know what's wrong with Youtube but they better speed it up =/ . TTYL!
<3 Hanhie